nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize