sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
