shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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