Pappa wants mamma naked
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
