so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
