I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
