one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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