I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
