the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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