Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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