Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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