I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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