just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
