why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
