just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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