Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
