i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it's like heaven, but drunker
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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