i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
