just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
