2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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