I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
