Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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