dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you traded sex for a burrito?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
