Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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