You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
