wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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