Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
