He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
