so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's blow job season.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
