all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
