You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize