Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
