Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
