she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize