You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
