he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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