I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
