i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
