mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
