The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
