Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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