i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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