my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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