good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
