that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
