i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
