im drinking this country out of the recession.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
