It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
