Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
