Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
