thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
