We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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