i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
