So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
