i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
