I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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