I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize