Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
