today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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