did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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