I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My life is pants optional.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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