The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
