After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
