You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You are a genius and a whore.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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