$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
