Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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