I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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